UK/Finnish band KARHU, who blast out a unique mix of Classic/ Progressive/ Death metal, are set to launch two new acts to present their music; a nubile Oriental-fronted puppet band called ‘Badymetal’ (Baddy) and a geriatric line up named ‘Kar-Who?’ Following up on market research that suggested the media is only interested in children and pensioners, Karhu want to launch the two-pronged attack on the Metal music market.
The aging metallers, now in their early twenties, realise time has passed them by. JP, their enigmatic clean vocal/guitarist said “We realised that our age was hindering our progress, and something had to change. We hope that by having two diametrically age opposed acts simultaneously playing our music, we can make twice the impact.” He continued, “We will not be playing the ‘cute’ card with our young band. As the name suggests, these girls will be real ‘Bad’. Elderly rockers Kar-Who? will follow the same script, only it will be in bigger lettering.”
Using the pairing of the two acts on the same billing, the Karhu team feel they can put out a well balanced show – literally! Circus master ‘Big Ring Bobby’ said “Both the bands have taken to the tight rope really well. At first the kids were dropping their instruments, but gaffer tape and additional homework seemed to do the trick. As for the older auditioners, their slippers gave them an edge on the high wire, soft soles gave them more grip and they appear to handle the falls better.”
If all goes to plan, the all new Karhu based show entitled ‘Metal is a Circus’ will be hitting the road later this year. JP said, “We hope that the increased visual spectical, coupled with the smell of baby oil and embrocation ointment will provide a fuller sensory experience for the audience. We intend to give them a show to remember.”
The request for change has not gone down well with the band’s manager ‘The Glove’ (right), who maintains that the decision brings metal music into disrepute saying, “Watching nubile Oriental girlies in short skirts, pony tails and knee length stockings, with lacey, frilly blouses and pretty make up, girating to the throbbing beat of the intoxicating music, lithe bodies contorted in those cute yet athletic poses, may be appealing to some but I can say, after watching every video I can find, purely for research purposes of course, that it holds no interest for me personally, though some of the dancing was very good. As for Kar-Who?, I think encouraging the over 70’s to headbang is disrespectful.” He went on to say, “I am sure we can tap into the plastic covered book brigade but ‘Help the Aged’ may not go for it.” Although opposed to and appalled by the new directions suggested by the band, The Glove has intimated that he will support the band’s right to choose it’s own course.
He also revealed that; “As the boys have asked me to look into this, I have already approached several famous aging metal bands, to see which members might be interested in signing up for Kar-Who? after they retire. The addition of big names will give the initiative some real credibility. Additionally, sponsorship from the ‘metal’ walking frame producers and associated products, could give the music an extended life. As they say, ‘Metal will never die’, though I do think that with the right walking aids we can help it down the road.”
In a recent interview with Karhu’s Dutch fan base JP explained, “Badymetal will be dancing and singing to the original Karhu music played by the current band. Based on the market trends, we feel this has a huge future!” As for the other end of the age scale? “We feel that the older band manifestation has the greater potential. ‘Kar-Who?’ (named to reflect the inability of the band to remember it’s own name) is aimed at the aging metaller and could potentially offer double the returns, due to the fact that the audience is likely to forget they already bought the album and would buy it again!”.
In closing ‘The Glove’ said, “The decision has not been finalised, though the band seem very keen to go down this route. I personally believe that what the metal audience really wants is top quality music. I know that great new talent is struggling to surface in the current state of affairs because, as they say, ‘Sh1t floats’, but I would hope the world will come to it’s senses at some stage. Here’s hoping!”
Keep up with the campaign at https://www.thekarhugroove.com/home.html